st_rikingblueeyes | Mildmay the Fox

After the visit from Kolkhis, Corbie had set everything to the side for a while. Even if she'd been ready to talk about it, Mildmay just wasn't physically capable for at least a week afterward. She'd tended to him in spite of any protests, spent most nights in the other bed in his room, and made sure he had medicine, that he ate, that he drank enough water. That the sheets got changed so the bed didn't do more harm than good. She did what needed doing without complaining.

Every day he needed less of her. Every day she spent less time hovering and more time out on her own business. The fever did break, but then there was a lot of coughing. And a lot of fluids that if she hadn't seen it before, Corbie would have wondered at something that color coming out of a human body. Jackson had been--for once--a genuinely steadying influence through the whole thing, reassuring her that this was all in the range of normal and Mildmay was on the mend.

And eventually one morning when she woke up, she sensed that he was already awake and alert. Not just awake, but awake in a way he hadn't been since before she'd first bullied him into admitting he was ill.

Eventually, Corbie got herself out of bed, padded over, and slipped into his bed beside him. "Morning," she murmured. "How're you feeling?"

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No, she was not. And Corbie wasn't a fool, either, though she felt something inside her ease when he looked at her finally.

"It's..." she chewed her lip. And then figuring she'd never find the right words, she'd just speak and hope it came out okay. "I know it ain't the same. And I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry she was all you had. I don't know... what that kinda burden must feel like or if it should ever go away because yeah, people are dead and at your hand and that's fucking horrible. But you're not. I only ever knew you to be patient and gentle and loving and I'm not afraid and I'm not disgusted and I'm not ashamed and I never fucking will be."

Ginerva'd never wanted to know who Mildmay really was. Not that he'd done much to try to tell her, but even when he had, she'd flat ignored anything that didn't fit the story she was telling herself. And it'd got her killed.

Least now, Corbie knew, well, maybe not Mildmay's worst, but pretty damn bad anyway. And she wasn't scared off or hating him.

"Reckon I got enough shame and disgust for the both of us," he said finally.

He'd never wanted Corbie to know that side of him or be afraid of him, not once he realized she could help him keep Felix outta trouble when Mildmay was too fucking sick to do it himself, and she had... mostly. There was only so much anybody could do when Felix was determined to do something foolish. And now Corbie was the closest to family he had here. He didn't wanna think what woulda happened to him if she hated him after seeing what she saw.

"But I'm trying, don't wanna be what I was anymore."

Now Corbie did snuggle close, more certain that the gesture would be accepted. "Okay. Then I'll have to have enough gentleness for both of us." Someone had to be kind to him, if he wouldn't be kind to himself.

It hadn't been about Mildmay not accepting her close, so much as he hadn't been able to fathom her wanting to, after what she'd seen, what she knew about him she hadn't before. Yeah, she'd stuck around, taken care of him while he was sick, but that was Corbie. He slipped an arm around her, so she was tucked up close.

"You got...," his free hand ran through the front of his hair, "There anything you gotta ask?" He couldn't promise he'd have answers, but if she wasn't running off scared of him or hating him, least he could do was try.

Corbie went quiet, chewing her lip as she thought about that. Of course there was more she wanted to know, but she didn't know where to begin. And she'd missed moments of lying quiet like this when he'd been ill. She'd rubbed his back not infrequently when the coughing got bad, but it wasn't the same thing at all.

Finally she ventured, "She make you do anything else I should know about?"

It was Felix liked word games so damned much, not Mildmay, but Mildmay heard the out she was giving with that 'should'. 'Cause if you asked him, wasn't nothing about him and Kolkhis Corbie should fucking know. Not here anyway, where mosta the time, Keeper couldn't hurt 'em. And the other things Keeper'd made him do, but not none of the others while he was around... nope, he wasn't gonna tell Corbie any about that.

"Nuh-uh. She's the queen bitch of bitchkitties, but at least she mostly kept her kids alive and outta trouble." Which was more than you could say about some keepers, like Felix's – and if he hadn't already been dead in The Fire, what Mildmay woulda wanted to do to him woulda made what he did to Griselda look like a hug and cuddle, forget his plan not to kill nobody no more.

Corbie nodded. "So plenty of shit I shouldn't know. Okay." But for the time being, she was willing to let that be. "You know it'll be okay if you ever do tell me, right?"

She shouldn't oughta know any of it, if you asked Mildmay. And it wasn't like he wanted to talk about that shit. Powers, he didn't wanna remember it. Never mind it was the kind of shit you couldn't well forget.

He made a sound, not really a word, but something that kinda sounded like agreement anyway.

Corbie only tucked herself closer, tangling her legs with his and pressing soft kisses to his unscarred cheek. She'd have kissed his scar, too, if she thought he'd let her, but she rarely dared to touch it. "You gonna be okay?"

Mildmay thought about how he was here. How he'd felt... Kethe, pretty much since he and Felix got kicked outta the Mélusine. And yeah, Felix'd been the one exiled, but even without the obligation, wasn't nowhere else Mildmay was gonna go but with him. All the time Corbie'd known him and a bit more. How it had felt knowing he was, mayb for the first time, really okay.

He thought about how he'd been before that. When he hadn't been okay at all. All that time wandering around in a fog not even remembering what all had happened. About putting together the Rabbit and the Snake, and trying to show Septimus how much trouble he was in for if things didn't change.

"Long as I don't go tramping around in the snow or jumping into icy rivers... yeah, I'mma be okay."

Corbie snorted, then pressed another kiss against his temple. "Well, lucky for you it don't ever get that cold naturally around here anyway."

Her voice got smaller and shyer when she added, "I'm glad you're feeling better. I missed you."

Wasn't nothing really to say to that, except trying to explain how when he'd been lucid enough to remember what had happened with Kolkhis, he'd been bracing for Corbie to leave him, missing her before she was even gone. Only now he was better, and they'd talked, she wasn't gonna leave the way he'd expected, and there weren't words for how grateful he was about that.

Instead the arm around her tightened some, and he dipped his head down against hers, trying to say with touch what he couldn't in words.

"Shhh..." she said softly, hearing at least some of what he had not said. "You're my friend. Fuck that, you're... you're practically family and I love you. You ain't getting rid of me so easy."

Mildmay kissed the top of her head. He'd missed her, and this was part of it, just being able to lie cuddled up together and know they were okay. "You too."

More than her words being heard, she knew they'd been accepted--believed--when he gave her that kiss. And while under other circumstances that might have nudged her towards a more intimate gesture, instead she nuzzled her head under his chin and for a while she didn't say anything at all.

"I might have other questions later. I mean, you don't need to answer 'em or anything, but... is that okay?"

They were gonna be okay. And least they had each other. Mildmay was quiet a moment before answering, "Never met a wizard who didn't come up with more questions."

Corbie giggled softly, letting her eyes fall closed. It was not a no. "All right."

Mildmay the Fox

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